Having had a fear of success and a need for other people’s approval, I’m now set to remove these blocks of negative energy. I started by discovering the root cause of my obstacles and created a new direction. But, sitting on this exciting news and keeping it to myself, does little to move any of the old stuff away. Now it’s time to take action.
I am the master of my life
I’ve decided to start with the Law of Creation. Words, in general, have ambiguous emotions attached to them. They only receive the meanings that we give them. The beauty of that is that I can totally design the words that define my life. In another way, I am the designer of my life. I always have been. I am the master over the emotions and definitions attached to the words that come into my life. If I don’t like them, I get to redefine them. That’s the first thing I am doing.
I realized this year that I was never the one to define what “Amount to Something” actually meant to me. This phrase was delivered negatively, it was put upon me and it was attached to me from an external source. Now is my time to create my own energy around the words.
What does it ‘actually’ mean to me to ‘amount to something’?
I wrote these words down on the top of a blank piece of paper. Then, I stopped and started to ponder the question. It is so easy to toss a dollar amount down and call it a day. But when I thought amount that number and what it would be – I realized that the number held zero meaning to me. Any number put down would be attainable, but I felt as though this definition was more focused on what other people would consider a successful goal. So, I decided to set the number aside and focus on what brought me joy energy in connection to the words ‘amount to something’.
This is what I wrote in the raw, starting with what I believe to journeying to the defining moment:
- I am in peace and joy. Things fall into place. I am excited for the day ahead. I focus on joyful possibilities and creating
- Financially, I have retirement savings, emergency savings and more funds abundantly flowing in with all money-due paid regularly. I am a person of abundance – I shift focus from always needing – to be in abundance receiving and being.
- Health & Fitness, I love starting my day with AM stretches, walking and seeing my day as fulfilling. Three-days a week strength training focus. I love eating healthy, salads and good food. I am a size 6, fit and loving my energy around good health. On Sunday mornings, kayaking, AM walks and connecting outside with nature – get out in this world.
- Balance & Fun – Get out and visit green markets, fairs and be out of my house doing enjoyable things – reading, writing, creating. I show up in my life excited to meet new people, get to know others more and enjoy blessing others while being blessed, too.
- Business. I have a business that has me laughing, giggling and being ‘in’ joy. I sit and smile at its creations and the results. The product marketing creation brings my team members excitement and joy. Team members join because they love the products, believe in the company’s mission and direction. They go beyond the hourly paycheck to grow LJT. They see me as the leader and believe in my vision. Customers show up with joy, get great value and benefits from our products and teachings. Skilled, talented and excited team members moving the growth forward and customers getting great joyful value and benefits. That’s the greatest feeling of accomplishment! That’s what it truly means to amount to something.
Upon completion of my list, I continued to write…
“I am excited to show that to ‘amount to something’ has zero to do with any set dollar amount. I have been chasing arbitrary figures and carrots for far too long. I’m excited to ‘be something’ that makes me proud of who I am – to be in ‘joy’.
Lord God, let’s you and I design a life that is me. To stop looking at others as though they’re paving the path of my life in concrete of ‘blah’.
My house is mismatched and cluttered. It’s ‘whatever has fit” design and furniture. My life is it in living visual code. Sitting and watching mindless television cannot be my life. Learning, exploring, creating and enjoying the moment is what my life is about. Teaching, creating content and discovering new joys – and in love and romance and I believe that’s the life for me.
As we grow, then BMW vehicles and a condo in Azure are great – but resetting my mindset to be a person of abundance who will naturally move into Azure, driving my new red BMW – let’s make me that person.
Amounting to Something – Defined.
It’s being the person who shows up in my life, being present, sitting in abundance and enjoys creating, learning, reading, being and discovering the awesome joy energies of this world.
This is mine. What is yours?
In January of this year, I went through the process of identifying a root obstacle between me and the success I desire. It was a wonderful experience. I learned that the obstacle was attached to constant words spoken throughout my life from age three to thirteen (read article here). I am now set to deactivate this magnet that was placed in my life and create a mind shift reset.
There are a million and one ways to complete this. I’m certain that there are several folks who’d come out of the woodwork to give some chant, card readings or anything else to move this. But I am going to work with the Laws of Manifestation that I know. To me, they are easy, relaxing and defining.
Using the Law of Creation to “Redesign my House”
Using the Law of Creation, I’m defining what the phrase “Amount to Something” means to me now. I am creating a list of defining statements that resonate with my spirit. I’ll use these to inspire and define my life. I’m calling it my ‘Designer-Life Creation’. I feel like I am an interior designer and my life is the house awaiting the redesign. The goal: to de-clutter and move things out that don’t align with my fresh vision.
Using the Law of Attraction to Activate my New Magnet
Using the Law of Attraction, I will use a new daily routine to reinforce my new vision. I will use a number of different tools to remind me of the new reality I desire. In this way, I will consistently show up. I will be constantly reminded of how awesome my new “higher level” reality is, and that it is actually who I really am.
Using the Law of Allowing to Bring Joy to the Process
With the Law of Allowing, I will show up in my new life that I designed, without being anxious about it. I will use my new routines, new tools, and a renewed energy of joy. I will step into my commitment to be present daily, to release fear-based thoughts, and to focus on meditative joy. And then, I will release all worry associated with this change. I know that as I act in faith, I will receive.
I Deserve This Life Changing Mindset Shift
I will take the steps necessary to make this shift because I have decided that I am not only worth it, but I deserve it. The little three-year-old to thirteen-year-old in me deserves me to be consistent, loving, and to follow-through on decisions. I can leave that old mind-set and magnet where it originated, in the past.
An Invitation to Redesign Your Own Life
I’m inviting you to come along with me on my journey. Know that you have the power to embark on your own life-defining journey. You deserve to design your own life, to achieve your dreams and to have your own success. You are worth it to show up. Are you ready?
Last year I set my foot down and said, ‘Enough!’
I needed to figure out what was standing in my way of true success. What was the deeply rooted, invisible obstacle that kept me from reaching what felt like success to me? I remained open to receiving whatever questions and path that would lead me to the answers I desired. I met a woman, Ilene Gottlieb who is known as a ‘Heart Healer’. I didn’t know what that meant or even what an Akashic Record reading was. I didn’t care. I felt a pull that I needed to be connected to her. I purchased a three-session package and went in with zero clue what to expect, what to bring to the table, or even what results would come from these sessions.
Each session built on the next like an investigation. Then the final session was EXACTLY what I was seeking… the answer. During time on the table, I was asked about the first time “fear of success” and “need for approval” showed up in my life. I heard myself say, “age three”. My mind popped in thinking, what on earth could have happened at that early of an age to stick with me? When asked about it specifically, a phrase came into my mind. At that moment, I knew… this was it! I hadn’t heard this phrase since I was a child. I had pushed it down and never thought of it since. For ten years of my life, I heard this phrase over and over, and over again. I knew exactly where it came from and who engrained it in my psyche.
The phrase: “You will never amount to anything.” It was accompanied by: “you are a spoiled brat” or “You are rotten.” From age three to thirteen, I heard those words. Even as an adult, I was reminded how I was such a stubborn, difficult child. My parents were divorced when I was nearly two-years-old, and my grandmother moved into our house to help my mother with my brother and I. The problem is that, like most people walking around on this planet, she had her own limiting beliefs, issues and childhood scares. My life’s situation at age three created the perfect scenario to bump into her issues. I was a reminder that boys were preferred over girls. I was an independent child who wanted to sleep in and opted to, therefore reflecting lack of control to her. My mother’s desire to raise her children in her own way bumped into Grandma’s ways of how a child should be raised.
There’s no excusing away anything, though. There’s the reality that I was the child who was lost and confused with no way of formulating expression, emotions or problem-solving skills for the world’s problems going on around me. I was a child who was looking to the adults to protect, love, and guide me. Period. Instead, I bumped into their issues and then shoved down and buried the ramifications of their words. And as often happens with these types of words, they became a guiding magnet in my life that was completely misaligned with my own desires, my intentions and my goals.
What to do with these limiting beliefs?
I now knew what the source of the obstacle to achieving success is. My initial reaction is, “let’s get busy and take care of shifting this!” Let’s heal me and move beyond this, so I can get my life on a guided path that serves me.
I immediately opened my journal when I got home from my session. Journal writing is the most healing tool in my tool chest of clearing, gaining clarity and getting guidance (if you know me, you know I call it my breakfast). During this time, I just purged everything that came up. So much poured out that the time became the most eye-opening revelation. One right after another…
January 6, 2018… “Good Evening, El Shaddai!” as, I always begin my time. I would write things like, ‘Beating myself up – holding myself to a high standard goes back to age 3 to 13… my Grandmother stating and telling me all those years that “I would never amount to anything”, that I was “no good” and that I was a “spoiled child.”
I shifted from talking to God / Universe (El Shaddai) to talking to my Grandmother directly. I wrote:
“How can you say such rotten things to a child?!?! Seriously! You’re the grown-up – leave the room or step away if you’re that angry.”
As I began to let the emotions pour and words writing themselves almost, I would find ‘ah ha’ moments of the ‘why’ behind my actions…
• “I became the one who provided extra income for you as an adult. “
• “I was the one who called on a regular basis as an adult.”
• “I stepped up, and even then, you told me I was such a ‘brat’ as a child – ‘a difficult child’.”
As I wrote, I realized that I didn’t do those things to be a ‘good granddaughter’. I did everything seeking approval to be ‘good enough’. I shifted to all the years I blamed my mother for my shortcomings, my inability to receive/give love and feel what it meant to be successful. I blamed her and realized it wasn’t her. She did the best she could and went above and beyond to make sure my brother and I knew we were loved.
I continued to write, wondering what would cause an adult to speak in such a way to child. Who in her childhood put on her the energy of ‘not good enough’? What beliefs and experiences would have caused one to focus on such a horrible phrase to feed a child?
I wrote for myself to myself:
“I was a great child! I was an amazing child! I loved to laugh. I loved merry go’ rounds. I loved giggling.”
I wrote about all the blessings my mother had given me that I had not recognized.
“Mom wanted love and approval, too. She turned her difficult childhood into trying to love her kids. She fought for me and she stood up for me. She hugged us and would find ways to show us she cared. No, she wasn’t perfect, either. She tried her darnedest, though.”
“I wonder who were you trying to get approvals from? Who were you trying to prove that you were good enough to and who screwed up when they should have just loved you?”
“I am extremely grateful to have this come up! I am glad to know finally why I have been blocked from attaining success. Why I set extremely high goals. I do desire to reach them but not to prove anything to you! To enjoy the journey and show myself that I am someone. I am worthy. I am deserving, I am/have amounted to be someone just by being me and I am perfect just as I am. I love who I am!”
I called my mother to read her my journal. She went on to say that Grandma used to brag about me to others and how proud she was of me. She figured out ‘who’ in Grandma’s life it was that put the pressure on her and we had a wonderful conversation. But that’s not the ending…
See, I love my Grandmother. I am thrilled to know the root of my issues, but now it’s time to deactivate this magnet and let my own perfect soul and the Spirit of God guide my life. Now is the time for the work to begin to journey to my own success.